LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>4

22 05 2016

China changed my life forever. Even so, I’ve never forgotten you. Us. I don’t know that my going to China was a mistake, or wrong. I did manage to sort things out about us that first trip.

That’s why I returned to you. For YOU. For US. Like you had gone on about for 5 years. But, you weren’t there. You weren’t available, to me. Anymore. I called you at all the numbers I had always called you. Left message after message. No reply.

I called more than you can imagine. My calls to you ended because you never called me back. Anymore. So I logically drew the conclusion that I was wrong about you. Wrong about US. There was no more US.

I completed my last semester of college, graduated. And there was no one there to celebrate it with. No family. No friends. But most of all, no you. All those months while at BYU trying to reconnect with you and not once did you ever return my phone calls.

You were always black and white, cut and dried. However you want to put it. At that point you’d become the absolute epitome of a hypocrite, to me. Professing profusely your “profound” love for me. But no reply.

You would go off and work, making your movies for months at a time. But, I was always dependable like clock work. Always there for you when you returned.

However, I go off to China for 18 months and return to you. Finally ready for you. And voila, you’re not there!! Rather, you’re not available to reconnect with. Ever, ever, ever!!

Your life had been carved out long before we met. That’s fine. I wanted my own life. A life I’d earned. Not a life given to me because some rich, famous guy could make anything happen.

Just a life I could be proud of and say, I CAN stand on my own two feet. Why did that bother you so much?? Why did you always equate that important goal of mine to not loving you as much as you claimed you loved me??

I wasn’t being stubborn or egotistical. Really I was being practical. I knew I was young… 17 years younger than you. That didn’t matter to me, but what did matter was your stubbornness. Your ego. It never seemed to be enough that I just loved you, no conditions, no gifts necessary. Just you, just me.

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