Sundance Film Festival Founder>Once. Great. Friends. Robert Redford & Renn Reed

21 09 2016





LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>7

28 06 2016

China in the 1970’s was everything one could imagine. I lived, and designed there from 1977 -1980. The Chinese were great to me, no matter their socio-economic circumstances. Rich or poor, young or old, we all got along just fine.

There were enough of the modern conveniences to be comfortable while living in the exotic flair of the Chinese culture. But every day, and every night, I missed you so…

In Kaohsiung, Taiwan (which is in southern Taiwan) most of my contacts were business owners or creative professionals. A bank president and owner of the bank; an owner of a prominent 5 star hotel and a prominent department store chain; a noted actress equal to a Lauren Ball here in the United States; and so forth.

But, I never forgot about YOU. I carved out an interesting professorial journey thanks to the friends I made in Taiwan (The Republic of China or R.O.C.); and China (The People’s Republic of China or P. R.C.). 

Sometimes politics can sometimes make things seem like something that they aren’t. Sometimes you have to live and work in a place to even come close to understanding it, if you’re lucky, that is.
It’s so very hard to write about you. I miss you so, my Robert.





LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>5

22 05 2016

Since you’re about to turn 80 I thought I would try to give one of us closure on this matter of US since neither of us is getting any younger. So… assuming you can’t, or just aren’t interested I’ve decided that I would take that brave first step forward.

And if you walk away with understanding nothing else. It is my hope after all is said and done. That you will know without a doubt that I have always loved you. Always shall love you. I have never stopped believing in you. I do believe that for a moment in time, you loved me too. Once.

And if these, my blogs, are the cause of any embarrassment for you, I’m sorry. I’d heard through the grapevine that your current wife has been of the notion that we communicate. LOL!! She really doesn’t know me at all. We almost reconnected years ago at one of my art exhibitions in the ’80’s.

A lot of people were there. She, your current wife, was there too. I couldn’t get away soon enough. Just as I managed to excuse myself from the interested Art Patrons. Just as I was coming over to you to say “Hi” you walked out the door with her.

So if that actually were true. If in fact we’ve been communicating. Then I wouldn’t be posting my blogs about these past 40 years without you, lol!!
I cried a lot afterwards. Then looked at myself in the mirror and said, time to move on.

But I’m tap dancing around things. I have waited a long, long time to speak to you. To share things with you. And maybe it might help to fill in the cracks, or gaps, or chasms, should you happen to still care.

I never took your comments telling me how much you loved me, for granted. I simply knew I had to be strong for the worst. I had to try to NOT be vulnerable where I would lose all sense of self in you. You are after all very easy to lose oneself in.





LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>4

22 05 2016

China changed my life forever. Even so, I’ve never forgotten you. Us. I don’t know that my going to China was a mistake, or wrong. I did manage to sort things out about us that first trip.

That’s why I returned to you. For YOU. For US. Like you had gone on about for 5 years. But, you weren’t there. You weren’t available, to me. Anymore. I called you at all the numbers I had always called you. Left message after message. No reply.

I called more than you can imagine. My calls to you ended because you never called me back. Anymore. So I logically drew the conclusion that I was wrong about you. Wrong about US. There was no more US.

I completed my last semester of college, graduated. And there was no one there to celebrate it with. No family. No friends. But most of all, no you. All those months while at BYU trying to reconnect with you and not once did you ever return my phone calls.

You were always black and white, cut and dried. However you want to put it. At that point you’d become the absolute epitome of a hypocrite, to me. Professing profusely your “profound” love for me. But no reply.

You would go off and work, making your movies for months at a time. But, I was always dependable like clock work. Always there for you when you returned.

However, I go off to China for 18 months and return to you. Finally ready for you. And voila, you’re not there!! Rather, you’re not available to reconnect with. Ever, ever, ever!!

Your life had been carved out long before we met. That’s fine. I wanted my own life. A life I’d earned. Not a life given to me because some rich, famous guy could make anything happen.

Just a life I could be proud of and say, I CAN stand on my own two feet. Why did that bother you so much?? Why did you always equate that important goal of mine to not loving you as much as you claimed you loved me??

I wasn’t being stubborn or egotistical. Really I was being practical. I knew I was young… 17 years younger than you. That didn’t matter to me, but what did matter was your stubbornness. Your ego. It never seemed to be enough that I just loved you, no conditions, no gifts necessary. Just you, just me.





LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>3

18 05 2016

We were together for 5 years, you and I. You thought I didn’t love you, the way “…you loved me”… WHY??

I refused everything you tried to give me. Everyone else just took what you offered. It made sense to me to decline. Not to be different, but rather genuine.

It’s my nature to try and do for myself. I had goals, plans. I thought by refusing it would be abundantly clear just how much I love you!!

But it didn’t. It seems to me that you walked around viewing everything from only your perspective. Do you still?? I realize that we had deep discussions at times. We even “debated” things at times. And occasionally even chatted about ” …things”… at times.

I stayed with you because I believed in you. In the possibility of us. It was a worthwhile investment, I thought, of my time and energy, and… my love for you. I really didn’t see you the way so many do, mostly women.

We’d be walking with your arm around me. When suddenly out of nowhere a woman would grab you and kiss you. I stood by each time wondering why they thought this was okay?!

And although I always knew you belonged to the fantasies of women around the world. I simply thought of you as my dear, loving friend. Naive or not, I was always surprised by the boldness of others.

Remember the fellow you threw through his cars’ windshield after comments he made about me?? I don’t think anyone then, or now for that matter, would believe that we were just platonic friends.

You were married, with children. And to be anything other than respectful of this just seemed wrong to me. I wanted you to know that. I wanted you to know that I could wait, would wait. But then that horrible day actually came.

The day that I’d finally believed would never happen, happened. You told me of canceling your pending divorce. That she said you had to wait until your youngest turned 18. Then you proposed to me, giving me that beautiful yellow, baguette diamond ring. Which I stared at for a long time then handed it back to you, sobbing.

Did you think I was stupid? Or maybe… your personal whore? Nah, I don’t believe it. Won’t believe it. You weren’t like that.

But I was not going to wait 9-10 years. I had a life, goals, plans, idea’s. That beautiful ring changed nothing. The reality I’d been avoiding all those years just finally hit home. No more denial, no more pretending. As they say, ” …it is what it is”.

I needed to get my head back above water because I was drowning in you. “Fight or Flee” syndrome is what I had. I had clearly lost the fight. It was now time to flee. I didn’t want to go, but China was beckoning me.

I learned the grass is not greener on the other side.





LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>2

10 05 2016

I’ve always believed in you.

Married w/Children was my only reason. All the girls hated me, they couldn’t understand why we became friends. I think really it was more… how did we become friends, and they didn’t.

I’m very ordinary, very average looking.  I was never that good in school. I wanted to make something of myself, stand on my own 2 feet.

You wanted to give me the world. I have loved you always. Yet your mantra to me was, “…do you think you could ever love me the way I love you”?

But you never seemed able to feel my love for you. Maybe because we are born from different generations. I don’t know. Seems though that you should have understood, me, after 5 years??

I refused the jewelry, the monogramed drafting table, clothes, Porsche, apartment, absolutely everything. But you never seemed to actually get it.

I refused it all because all I ever wanted, needed… was you. I didn’t need your money. I didn’t need your fame. I was never with you because of your “Golden Boy” good looks. I enjoyed you, loved YOU.

Refusing all that you offered me including flying to Europe, should have screamed volumes about how much I loved YOU!!

But that day, that horrible day, where reality met fantasy I knew we would never be. Not the way I had hoped. And so I had to do something to help my heart. To help my soul. I had to go away, my pain was too great to stay.

I don’t do well with pain, sadness, all of it. I came to you in tears hoping you would have some reassuring kind words to offer me. But no, you thought I chose China over you.

In all reality I was not capable of fighting the insurmountable odds that I was up against. So the only thing I could do was to flee as far away from you as possible. And in a way where you would never again be able to get to me.

But that path which I chose because of how the stars changed our world. What I thought was a constructive way to re-think and re-organize my life, my goals.

Turned out to be the most horrid of nightmares. A scorpions nest full of the worst dreams one could ever imagine. And some beyond imagining. No one could have foreseen any of this shit-storm coming. Not a soul.

That’s when I began to realize, and learn that yes, although we do make decisions everyday. All too frequently for many of us, consequences occur that hit us seemingly out of no where.

And there we are truly in the middle of the storm. No family to help, and no friends available. There we are, stuck, and shit-outta-luck.





LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>1

1 05 2016

So… I’ve learned that whether we like it or not, all things are connected. For example, I make a choice, a decision, if you will. You think, a-ha well she chose that over me!!
Thereby you (hypothetically speaking) and not necessarily understanding, that your decision(s) affected my making the decision(s), that I ultimately made, all because of “Your” choice(s).
Choices are made every day by each and everyone of us. What we eat, will or will not make us fat, for example. But sometimes decisions are made which have an affect, or effect not anticipated, or expected therefore.

I’m so sorry!!! SORRY, SORRY, SORRY to YOU!!! YOU JUST DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW, OR UNDERSTAND that I never meant to hurt you!! EVER!! YOU HAVE no idea how SORRY I Am…
I am “cynically optimistic” that you will forgive me. But truthfully, there is a part of me that doesn’t feel that is possible because you make very clear distinctions about everyone and everything. There seem to be no grays in your world.
It is because you never returned any of my calls or messages when I returned, leaving earlier than expected, to return to you, and therfore left my China behind. That being said, sadly I realized how adamantly you had decided about me, and my choices, decisions. I realized early on an apology is not enough, sometimes, anyway.
I only returned to Taiwan because I was offered a position designing with a major department store in Kaohsiung, Taiwan. Some terrible things happened to me well beyond my control, and clearly not anticipated, much less expected.
And once again, I managed to return to my beautiful USA, with help from some friends.
Hence developing a “cynical optimism” so to speak. And… given current circumstances, which I admit I don’t fully understand. I don’t actually expect you to change “your mind” about “things”.
But I do hope, although hoping does seem hopeless, at times. I always hope to see you, speak/chat with you. I hope to at least be “friends” again, with you… BUT…
I don’t believe because seeing does seem to be required to believe. With that being said, I’m cynical since apparently I do NOT see!! So… how does one, how do I, how to… BELIEVE?? IS THE QUESTION.
I don’t know, don’t have a clue as to how to understand, or come to terms with how EVERYTHING has unfolded in these past 40 years. But I wish, and hope beyond hopes, the best for you everyday!!!
I don’t know, or understand your current situation but only want the best for you, ALWAYS!!!
So, I’m hoping at some point you might be able to FORGIVE ME about “IT All”.
I SHALL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, ALWAYS.





Bruce, Robert Redford, & SFF

15 12 2015

So I’ve heard this past week that there were those who thought this to be a dead blog site… No Way!!!

I fell, hit my head damn hard on the kitchen floor at the McD’s where I work. Wasn’t good, couldn’t remember my name. I have worked damn hard to pull “IT” together.

So although I don’t blog everyday, or necessarily every week. I truly try to blog once a month. But since I learned people thought we’d given up.

I’m writing this to say, do you know me?! And, if you think you know me, why would you say, much less think I’d given up?! Life kicks us in the ass, and maybe we fall down and lie there for awhile.

But, if you actually knew me, you’d know cancer didn’t keep me down. My ex-husband didn’t keep me down. My 2 daughters didn’t keep me down. So… what do you actually know about me, huh?!

Life is life. It knocks you down, throws you against a wall, tears you up and rips your heart out. A Robert I once knew used to say, you’re young. You’ll learn when you get older. Right, so cynicism = maturity? If that’s the case then I’m more mature than “the hills”!

I have been there, cynical. Don’t like it one bit. Turns a perfectly nice person into a “Bitch” or an “Asshole”. So… I’ve removed the “B” and leave it as an “Itch”.

I’m a “pain-in-the-butt”, an itch with a twist. You can hate me, lie about me, call me names, make fun of me, ignore me and hope I just go away, or like my ex, wish I was dead. Not gonna happen, I’m here to stay.

The “good guys” don’t run and hide, they stay and fight the good fight. They get up, dust themselves off, re-group, and go at it again. I’ll make my movie, that’s the very least I can do for Steven.

Love is love, mine doesn’t die, it grows. Like my loyalty when treated right, believe in me. You’ll see, even if I’m 90.





Oscar Movie Buzz> Sundance Film Festival Lookout!

13 11 2012

Renn Reed Producer/Director Lost Angels[The Movie]shared a link.
CHECK THIS GREAT NEWS OUT!> iT’Z aBOUT oUR mOVIE!

Never Too Early Movie Predictions

Quite possibly the earliest Oscar predictions on the web. Predictions are currently being made through 2017!

Read My Recent Reviews. Or Read Archived Reviews. Connect With Me On: Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Email, The LAMB
See My Oscar Predictions By Year: 84th, 85th, 86th, 87th, 88th, 89th Or Search By Category Using The Tracker Pages.
Check Out My Newest Features… The Oscar Calendar and The Academy Members Project

@http://nevertooearlymoviepredictions.blogspot.com/2011/05/85th-oscar-live-acti…See More
Never Too Early Movie Predictions: 85th Oscar Live Action Short FIRST ENTRIES (5/5/11)
nevertooearlymoviepredictions.blogspot.com

SHORTS! (Animated, Documentary & Live Action) (Updated 2/24/12)

Scroll Down To See Predictions for Future Years.
Still looking for information about last year’s race? That can be found at my 84th Oscar Final Predictions.

85th Oscar Live Action Short Predictions (Updated 7/5/11)

1. Luis Gallindo for The Package
2. Anthony Spadaccini for Therapy
3. Paul Krizian for The Story Of Us
4. Tati Barrantes And Andinh Ha for Adirake
5. Mattan Cohen for All You Need

Alternates:
6. Dustin Owl Johnson for Lucky Day
7. Abigail Zealey Bess for Here’s What I Like: Fashion And Flowers. And Now I’ll Tell You Why
8. David Lowe for Meet The Cleavers
9. Renn Reed and Mark Barth for Lost Angels (The Discovery)
10. Justin Michael and Jacob Reed for The Bride Of Frankenstein
11. Kirk Bair for Dog Days
12. Drew Stephens for Viewer Discretion Advised (Tape 96)
13. Joe Greto for Faded
14. Macaroni and Lutes
15. Smoke
16. Elfar Adalsteins for Subculture
17. Emily Attwood for The Circle Only Has One Side
18. Lincoln Howes for Hostile Witness
19. Heather Morrison for Redumption
20. Tim Sloat for Brother
21. Anya
22. Greenberg Securities
23. Mac vs. PC
24. Eating Out
25. Video Jock

Thursday, May 5, 2011

85th Oscar Live Action Short FIRST ENTRIES (5/5/11)

EDITORS NOTE: These predictions were made in May 2011 and reflect what my thinking was at that time.  I have updated my predictions since then, but leave these on the blog for a historical record. For the most updated list of predictions, go to the Tracker Pages in the upper right hand corner of this blog.

85th Oscar Live Action Short FIRST ENTRIES (5/5/11)

I have found several potential entries for the 85th Oscar Live Action Short race, so I am beginning the predictions now. After all, this blog is called “Never Too Early Movie Predictions” for a reason, and we have to start somewhere!

1. Luis Gallindo for The Package
2. Anthony Spadaccini for Therapy
3. Paul Krizian for The Story Of Us
4. Tati Barrantes And Andinh Ha for Akirake
5. Mattan Cohen for All You Need

Alternates:
11. Dustin Owl Johnson for Lucky Day
12. Abigail Zealey Bess for Here’s What I Like: Fashion And Flowers. And Now I’ll Tell You Why
13. David Lowe for Meet The Cleavers
14. Renn Reed and Mark Barth for Lost Angels (The Discovery)
15. Justin Michael and Jacob Reed for The Bride Of Frankenstein
16. Kirk Bair for Dog Days

As always, check the Tracker Pages in the upper right hand corner of this blog for the most updated predictions in all categories!
See Live Action Short predictions for other years HERE.
If you’re really into shorts, check out the Animated Shorts and Documentary Shorts.
See predictions for other categories at the 85th Oscars HERE.
Switch to another year: 84th,  85th,  86th,  87th,  88th,  89th
Posted by at 5/05/2011 08:01:00 PM

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Winner: Best Festival And Awards Coverage

Best Festival/Awards, Most Prolific, Best Community Builder/Networker

Keep your eyes on “Lost Angels[The Discovery]!

Even though we are only 2 people making this movie in honor of our best friend Steven J. Campbell, the turtle shall win the race even if it takes us ’til we’re 80.

Company Site> http://www.LostAngelsMovie.com
Blog Site> http://lostangelsmovie.com/lanews/

Keep your fingers crossed for us and tell your friends!





We Have 2 Films “In Consideration” @SFF

6 10 2011

We are both humbled and honored to announce that our 2 films, “The Passion, The People, The Party” and “The Art of Patience: A Visual Journey Behind The Arts Of China” are “…In Consideration” @SFF, The Sundance Film Festival.  Thank you Mr. Redford and SFF staff!  We dream it and try to achieve it, but you help to provide the “The Hope” through all of your many supportive and wonderful organizations.  Thank you so very much for the opportunities Sundance makes possible