22 05 2016

Since you’re about to turn 80 I thought I would try to give one of us closure on this matter of US since neither of us is getting any younger. So… assuming you can’t, or just aren’t interested I’ve decided that I would take that brave first step forward.

And if you walk away with understanding nothing else. It is my hope after all is said and done. That you will know without a doubt that I have always loved you. Always shall love you. I have never stopped believing in you. I do believe that for a moment in time, you loved me too. Once.

And if these, my blogs, are the cause of any embarrassment for you, I’m sorry. I’d heard through the grapevine that your current wife has been of the notion that we communicate. LOL!! She really doesn’t know me at all. We almost reconnected years ago at one of my art exhibitions in the ’80’s.

A lot of people were there. She, your current wife, was there too. I couldn’t get away soon enough. Just as I managed to excuse myself from the interested Art Patrons. Just as I was coming over to you to say “Hi” you walked out the door with her.

So if that actually were true. If in fact we’ve been communicating. Then I wouldn’t be posting my blogs about these past 40 years without you, lol!!
I cried a lot afterwards. Then looked at myself in the mirror and said, time to move on.

But I’m tap dancing around things. I have waited a long, long time to speak to you. To share things with you. And maybe it might help to fill in the cracks, or gaps, or chasms, should you happen to still care.

I never took your comments telling me how much you loved me, for granted. I simply knew I had to be strong for the worst. I had to try to NOT be vulnerable where I would lose all sense of self in you. You are after all very easy to lose oneself in.


18 05 2016

We were together for 5 years, you and I. You thought I didn’t love you, the way “…you loved me”… WHY??

I refused everything you tried to give me. Everyone else just took what you offered. It made sense to me to decline. Not to be different, but rather genuine.

It’s my nature to try and do for myself. I had goals, plans. I thought by refusing it would be abundantly clear just how much I love you!!

But it didn’t. It seems to me that you walked around viewing everything from only your perspective. Do you still?? I realize that we had deep discussions at times. We even “debated” things at times. And occasionally even chatted about ” …things”… at times.

I stayed with you because I believed in you. In the possibility of us. It was a worthwhile investment, I thought, of my time and energy, and… my love for you. I really didn’t see you the way so many do, mostly women.

We’d be walking with your arm around me. When suddenly out of nowhere a woman would grab you and kiss you. I stood by each time wondering why they thought this was okay?!

And although I always knew you belonged to the fantasies of women around the world. I simply thought of you as my dear, loving friend. Naive or not, I was always surprised by the boldness of others.

Remember the fellow you threw through his cars’ windshield after comments he made about me?? I don’t think anyone then, or now for that matter, would believe that we were just platonic friends.

You were married, with children. And to be anything other than respectful of this just seemed wrong to me. I wanted you to know that. I wanted you to know that I could wait, would wait. But then that horrible day actually came.

The day that I’d finally believed would never happen, happened. You told me of canceling your pending divorce. That she said you had to wait until your youngest turned 18. Then you proposed to me, giving me that beautiful yellow, baguette diamond ring. Which I stared at for a long time then handed it back to you, sobbing.

Did you think I was stupid? Or maybe… your personal whore? Nah, I don’t believe it. Won’t believe it. You weren’t like that.

But I was not going to wait 9-10 years. I had a life, goals, plans, idea’s. That beautiful ring changed nothing. The reality I’d been avoiding all those years just finally hit home. No more denial, no more pretending. As they say, ” …it is what it is”.

I needed to get my head back above water because I was drowning in you. “Fight or Flee” syndrome is what I had. I had clearly lost the fight. It was now time to flee. I didn’t want to go, but China was beckoning me.

I learned the grass is not greener on the other side.

Film Industry, Sundance Film Festival, Me…

7 04 2012

I am trying very hard to make a film worthy of anyone seriously pursuing filmmaking.  The difference is that my husband and I are doing it all by ourselves, pretty much.  Our best friend Steve passed away 11 years ago now, suddenly of cancer.  We learned about it 3 weeks before his passing.  He wanted very much to make films, he loved good stories, and so we decided to pursue filmmaking in his honor and his memory.

We all know these things take time, hard work, consistent dedication, talent, and so many other important and useful qualities.  I in know way pretend to have them all, or know it all.  I simply push forward hoping some in this industry of filmmaking will take me seriously, meaning my work.

Steve and my husband helped me become cancer free after 12 years, 1987-1999.  Steve passed on Jon Bon Jovi’s birthday March 2, 2001.  Some have said to me why do you dwell on the past?!?  I don’t.  I use my history to push me forward, to remember all of those who have been positive influences in my life.  And for all who are of the opinion that I whine and complain, you try surviving 12 years of cancer, or 7 years of cancer, like Steve Jobs did.  Then if you are one of the “lucky ones” to survive, what they don’t tell you is what you will go through to re-build your life.

I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with, my creative journey has kept me both sane and full of hope that there must be some in this wonderful industry of filmmaking that do not discriminate simply because I am a “50 something”.  All that I am trying to do with my life is have a life.  A life that I was blessed to have thanks to a higher power most of us call God, and two wonderful and dear friends, Mark being my sweet husband.

I have lost my third computer since 2008 to hackers, I will get another at some point when my budget allows.  But in the meantime I am working on my shooting schedule here in Iowa, sketching my storyboard for “Lost Angels”.  In addition, I am working out the kinks in my lyrics for both my movie soundtrack, as well as my commercial CD that will be genre specific.

Life is not easy for any of us.  This economy we are all in makes dreams that much harder to pursue, and achieve.

Thank you all for your interest and support because we can all use a community of people that like and care about what we do.

We Have 2 Films “In Consideration” @SFF

6 10 2011

We are both humbled and honored to announce that our 2 films, “The Passion, The People, The Party” and “The Art of Patience: A Visual Journey Behind The Arts Of China” are “…In Consideration” @SFF, The Sundance Film Festival.  Thank you Mr. Redford and SFF staff!  We dream it and try to achieve it, but you help to provide the “The Hope” through all of your many supportive and wonderful organizations.  Thank you so very much for the opportunities Sundance makes possible

Thank You Sundance! We are honored by your kind & supportive words!

27 02 2011

We, Renn Reed and Mark L. Barth, are genuinely honored that the following have taken the time to write to me to express the following encouraging remarks. The Sundance Institute’s Producer in Residence Feature Film Program Anne Lai has been kind enough to share with us that they, Sundance, have not only “…become fans of our project, “LOST ANGELS[The Discovery]…[Dececmber 21, 2009]“, but that they, Sundance, feel it has “tremendous merit and potential…[October 27, 2010]” and that it made for even a tougher selection process this year”.  We knew going in and applying for the Sloan Commissioning Grant of $25,000 USD that we probably wouldn’t make the cut being that our feature-length film is an action, thriller, drama, not a documentary.  The fact t that we are nobody of importance to the indie world or for that matter, the film industry at large, is irrelevant.

And when we applied for the 2011 Sundance Film Festival we were fairly certain we wouldn’t make the cut there either, and we didn’t, despite the current Sundance mantra that they are having a “revolution”.  Fact is we just weren’t, aren’t, good enough. When John Cooper wrote me [Friday December 3, 2010] on behalf of the Sundance Programming team to “…thank (me)”, and to “not to be discouraged by this decision”, going on to say that “…we had far more worthy films than we had room for in the program”, I took heart in this.

As I have been told by some involved in the film industry that I am “…an embarrassment to myself “.  Fine, afterall I am 57 years old.  But I have always believed one should, as Justin Bieber says, “Never Say Never”, to their hopes and dreams.  So I remind myself when Malpaso Productions asked for our script in December 2008.  I was so excited I sounded like a 2 year old at Christmas.  Then in February 2009 Bruce and David Willis’ former company Willis Brothers Films asked for our script, I was equally as excited.   Just as I was honored and thrilled to have the opportunity to work and learn from all that I saw on set, when I was selected for the extra work in National Treasure Book of Secrets in May 2007 shot at Mount Rushmore, South Dakota.

I am grateful for all of our sponsors, they are truly our heroes, and we only have our words to thank them for all of their support through these last ten years.  Whether it was a one time donation, a discounted product, or donations outright, and of course all of those on-going donations, we can only show our appreciation through our efforts to keep trying and pushing forward always keeping in mind the importance to improve our understanding of their products, honing our talents, and hoping one day to succeed in achieving our goals.

For Example, Sony Creative Software has made it possible for me to explore my musical talents.  The couple of measures one hears at our website, http://www.LiquidIceEnt.com is the very first song I ever wrote.   I realize I have a long way to go in refining my musical talents and skills, but I actually wrote this myself on our keyboard, then took it into our Sony products and engineered it to what you hear on our website.  The entire piece can be downloaded for free at my LinkedIn.com website http://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=8467278&trk=tab_pro, where one can also hear a song I engineered titled “Shut-UP!” written for the action sequences for our movie.

But of all the many hats I wear at Liquid Ice Entertainment the one that has been the greatest challenge has been scriptwriting.  Our original script, “LOST ANGELS[The Discovery]“, is currently with one of the top script consultants in the business.  I am so grateful and honored that this person is helping me, again saying thank you just isn’t enough.   I am a very detail-oriented person and having shot, directed, and produced over 50% of “LOST ANGELS[The Discovery]” for my “back-up plan”.  I have been learning that scriptwriting and scriptwriters in general, do not receive enough appreciation.

I realize as a novice scriptwriter that I have literally tons to learn.  But I know we have a good story or all of those stated above would not have asked for our original script.  But the art of scriptwriting is a challenge unlike any other I have ever known, be it editing, compositing, marketing, directing, etc.  It is an art form that challenges me to my very core.  So when I read that many movies have gone through numerous revisions some upwards of over 20, 30, 40 revisions, I take heart in my efforts to learn how to write a script the “right” way.  I believe it is something I can learn to do well, and the “right” way.  So when I am seriously disheartened as I am today by “IT” all.  I look at the different emails that Sundance and others, have written to me, and focus on remembering the wonderful compliments that professional people have given me.  I keep moving forward through the heartache of losing MY only desktop computer to hackers trying to get the script, even if I am “embarrassing myself”.

Because afterall what else do I have?  I am 57 years old and going on eight years of being unemployed.  We, Mark and I, have many good ideas for theatrical films some of which are illustrated on our website.  But even if am never able to produce these other projects, I will at least have honestly tried to make a go of it. For I must continue trying, if for no other reason, than to show our beloved best friend Steven J. Campbell, who suddenly fell ill and died March 2, 2001 from cancer of the sternum.  That he, Steve, coupled with my beloved husband Mark, did NOT waste his time and efforts to help my heal AND survive cancer of the cervix, twice back to back, just about one and a half years before he, Steve, fell ill and passed away.

Steve never gave up on me.  When I had cancer I got up to 400 pounds from the medicine and being too weak to do much of anything.   Steve never stopped dreaming that he, Mark, and I could make movies.  “Okay”, he would say, “we’re older, but we can do it.  It doesn’t matter that we’re nobodies, or poor, ofr that we have a lot to learn, we can do this…  we can find a way to make our dreams come true”. Well the tenth anniversary of burying our beloved friend and colleague arrives in two days March 2nd, and I have nothing to show him as he watches  us, rooting for us, from up there somewhere above.

AND although I have lost my only desktop computer to hackers trying to get our script; AND although recently our script was at another major house in Los Angeles where they told us they liked the script but it needs some more work; AND even though the financier with whom I had thought I’d been building a good, strong, business rapport with and who had referred me to this third house;  I have to and must find a way to move forward and I suppose create another back-up plan for my back-up plan.

Because somehow I am going to make this movie, “LOST ANGELS[The Discovery]” and make it the “right” way, which for me means this includes Bruce Willis as the male lead star.  So what that I dream large, I say shoot for the stars, maybe I’ll catch the moon. There are more stupid things I could be doing with my time like gossiping and ridiculing people because they dream large, as the handful of people have chosen to do about me.

Either way at least I am trying to do something constructive and meaningful with my time, talents, energy, etc.  I am working hard to make sure all of you naysayer’s don’t get to me or bring me so far down I give up on myself and my dreams.  When I go to bed at night I can at least tell myself the truth, I do keep trying, and trying to do it well.

Godspeed to you all.


Renn Reed, President
Liquid Ice Entertainment

2011 Sundance Film Festival

12 12 2010

First I want to thank Mr. Redford for his various organizations as they provide wonderful opportunities to us all who love good stories and movies.  But it is with great appreciation that I thank the Sundance Institute and Sundance Film Festival staffs for their unbiased and trustworthy decisions.   We at Liquid Ice Entertainment knew that we were fighting an uphill battle given that the Sundance organizations primarily lean towards documentaries and docudrama’s.

Yet whether applying for the Sloan Commissioning Grant, or applying at the Sundance Film Festival, “Lost Angels[The Discovery]” being an action, drama, thriller, did well before we finally received our rejection letter(s).

In both instances the Sundance organization had nice things to say about our project.  In 2009 Producer in Residence, Feature Film Program: “We became fans of your project”, and then this year in addition, “We felt your project had tremendous merit and potential”.  So we live and learn from this and keep pushing ever forward.

So for those of you that may feel less than hopeful in terms of successfully making it into the Sundance Film Festival or receiving a grant from the Sundance Institute I say go for it!  It never hurts to try and all they can do is say “Thanks, but no thanks…” to you.  If you don’t try at the very least, then you’ll never know.
Have a wonderful holiday season and a very Happy New Year to you all!

Renn Reed, President
Liquid Ice Entertainment

The Sundance Institute

5 12 2009

Hey everybody, we’ve made the “tail end of selection” for the Sundance Institute Sloan Commissioning Grant keep your fingers crossed for us!