LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>5

22 05 2016

Since you’re about to turn 80 I thought I would try to give one of us closure on this matter of US since neither of us is getting any younger. So… assuming you can’t, or just aren’t interested I’ve decided that I would take that brave first step forward.

And if you walk away with understanding nothing else. It is my hope after all is said and done. That you will know without a doubt that I have always loved you. Always shall love you. I have never stopped believing in you. I do believe that for a moment in time, you loved me too. Once.

And if these, my blogs, are the cause of any embarrassment for you, I’m sorry. I’d heard through the grapevine that your current wife has been of the notion that we communicate. LOL!! She really doesn’t know me at all. We almost reconnected years ago at one of my art exhibitions in the ’80’s.

A lot of people were there. She, your current wife, was there too. I couldn’t get away soon enough. Just as I managed to excuse myself from the interested Art Patrons. Just as I was coming over to you to say “Hi” you walked out the door with her.

So if that actually were true. If in fact we’ve been communicating. Then I wouldn’t be posting my blogs about these past 40 years without you, lol!!
I cried a lot afterwards. Then looked at myself in the mirror and said, time to move on.

But I’m tap dancing around things. I have waited a long, long time to speak to you. To share things with you. And maybe it might help to fill in the cracks, or gaps, or chasms, should you happen to still care.

I never took your comments telling me how much you loved me, for granted. I simply knew I had to be strong for the worst. I had to try to NOT be vulnerable where I would lose all sense of self in you. You are after all very easy to lose oneself in.

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Film Industry, Sundance Film Festival, Me…

7 04 2012

I am trying very hard to make a film worthy of anyone seriously pursuing filmmaking.  The difference is that my husband and I are doing it all by ourselves, pretty much.  Our best friend Steve passed away 11 years ago now, suddenly of cancer.  We learned about it 3 weeks before his passing.  He wanted very much to make films, he loved good stories, and so we decided to pursue filmmaking in his honor and his memory.

We all know these things take time, hard work, consistent dedication, talent, and so many other important and useful qualities.  I in know way pretend to have them all, or know it all.  I simply push forward hoping some in this industry of filmmaking will take me seriously, meaning my work.

Steve and my husband helped me become cancer free after 12 years, 1987-1999.  Steve passed on Jon Bon Jovi’s birthday March 2, 2001.  Some have said to me why do you dwell on the past?!?  I don’t.  I use my history to push me forward, to remember all of those who have been positive influences in my life.  And for all who are of the opinion that I whine and complain, you try surviving 12 years of cancer, or 7 years of cancer, like Steve Jobs did.  Then if you are one of the “lucky ones” to survive, what they don’t tell you is what you will go through to re-build your life.

I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with, my creative journey has kept me both sane and full of hope that there must be some in this wonderful industry of filmmaking that do not discriminate simply because I am a “50 something”.  All that I am trying to do with my life is have a life.  A life that I was blessed to have thanks to a higher power most of us call God, and two wonderful and dear friends, Mark being my sweet husband.

I have lost my third computer since 2008 to hackers, I will get another at some point when my budget allows.  But in the meantime I am working on my shooting schedule here in Iowa, sketching my storyboard for “Lost Angels”.  In addition, I am working out the kinks in my lyrics for both my movie soundtrack, as well as my commercial CD that will be genre specific.

Life is not easy for any of us.  This economy we are all in makes dreams that much harder to pursue, and achieve.

Thank you all for your interest and support because we can all use a community of people that like and care about what we do.