LostAngelsMovie>RennReed>RobertRedford>SundanceFF>2

10 05 2016

I’ve always believed in you.

Married w/Children was my only reason. All the girls hated me, they couldn’t understand why we became friends. I think really it was more… how did we become friends, and they didn’t.

I’m very ordinary, very average looking.  I was never that good in school. I wanted to make something of myself, stand on my own 2 feet.

You wanted to give me the world. I have loved you always. Yet your mantra to me was, “…do you think you could ever love me the way I love you”?

But you never seemed able to feel my love for you. Maybe because we are born from different generations. I don’t know. Seems though that you should have understood, me, after 5 years??

I refused the jewelry, the monogramed drafting table, clothes, Porsche, apartment, absolutely everything. But you never seemed to actually get it.

I refused it all because all I ever wanted, needed… was you. I didn’t need your money. I didn’t need your fame. I was never with you because of your “Golden Boy” good looks. I enjoyed you, loved YOU.

Refusing all that you offered me including flying to Europe, should have screamed volumes about how much I loved YOU!!

But that day, that horrible day, where reality met fantasy I knew we would never be. Not the way I had hoped. And so I had to do something to help my heart. To help my soul. I had to go away, my pain was too great to stay.

I don’t do well with pain, sadness, all of it. I came to you in tears hoping you would have some reassuring kind words to offer me. But no, you thought I chose China over you.

In all reality I was not capable of fighting the insurmountable odds that I was up against. So the only thing I could do was to flee as far away from you as possible. And in a way where you would never again be able to get to me.

But that path which I chose because of how the stars changed our world. What I thought was a constructive way to re-think and re-organize my life, my goals.

Turned out to be the most horrid of nightmares. A scorpions nest full of the worst dreams one could ever imagine. And some beyond imagining. No one could have foreseen any of this shit-storm coming. Not a soul.

That’s when I began to realize, and learn that yes, although we do make decisions everyday. All too frequently for many of us, consequences occur that hit us seemingly out of no where.

And there we are truly in the middle of the storm. No family to help, and no friends available. There we are, stuck, and shit-outta-luck.

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